How well do you know yourself?
By: Cate Dalton
I’ll tell you who I am, but I’ll show you the truth about me.”
This was shared with me by my dear friend, Anne. It stands today. If you’re like most humans, especially with a job, a relationship, or a life… you may relate to this. We all want to look good to our colleagues, customers, and definitely our bosses. So we share with them the parts of us that we believe will show our “best side.” But if your version of “looking good” doesn’t match who you are when no one’s watching… you may not be as convincing as you think. People see through us when we aren’t authentic. It’s a primal instinct.
You may believe that if they knew those habits and characteristics that aren’t as flattering, they would not stay around you for long. In reality you may not know yourself as well as others do. There is a way through! Self Awareness. And this article will get you started on the journey.
Why Do I Need to Know Myself?
When we have a better understanding of ourselves, we can motivate ourselves, manage our response to stress better, and connect to our intuitive decision making abilities. This helps us lead and motivate others more effectively.
AND… you’re worth it.
I have lived most of my adult life in self examination. It is not a “one time” exercise. It’s a practice. You grow, relationships evolve, revolve, dissolve… and “life happens.” This changes each of us including our motivations, our stress tolerance, and how we make decisions. Just compare the 27 year old single male with his first job, to the same male, married with grandchildren at 72 having buried 3 siblings. Same man. VERY different perspectives. Life changes us.
How Do You Start?
Always, always, always start where you are. In this moment. Not where you came from or where you want to be. They’ll be time for that later. Write out responses to these questions.
Note: “Yes” and “No” never count as answers.
What situations do you feel your best? It could be a sense of confidence, or it could be feeling a part of the team you’re working with. What are you doing in those situations and what are you NOT doing that contribute to these positive feelings?
What situations do you feel your worst? When I get into situations where my input isn’t needed but I mistakenly think it is, I can get consumed by fear, uncertainty, and doubt. It doesn’t feel good, and it isn’t helpful to the people I’m with, which can quickly become a perpetuating cycle.
What are you doing in those situations? What do you do to feel better? (Hint: We all do something. People don’t like pain.) Does what you do help or hurt the situation?
What do you have that you are afraid of losing? It could be a person, a community, a job, a salary, a quality of life, dig deep and be thorough.
What do you think you need that you fear you won’t get? This is in life, in a situation or from a relationship. What’s keeping you up at night? You get the idea. Again, dig deep be through.
Love Note: This is just information gathering. Don’t judge your answers as “good or bad.” If you do, be sure this trait is under the fear topic. Judgement and jumping to conclusions are examples of self defeating behavior and will NOT help you grow in self awareness, let alone relationships.
Review what you’ve written, and acknowledge yourself for committing time to better knowing you. Watch for my next blog when I’ll show you how to put what you’ve learned about yourself into action for YOUR benefit and others!