You’re Not Playing Wrong – You’re Playing A Different Game with Wendy Cocke

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What happens when the games we played as children shape our entire professional experience? In this eye-opening conversation with chemical engineer and author Wendy Cocke, we uncover how fundamental differences in how boys and girls organize play creates invisible barriers in the workplace that nobody talks about.

Wendy shares her journey as a successful engineer and mother who was once told her career would stall if she pursued flexibility—a prediction she thoroughly disproved. Through her experiences leading global technical teams while raising her “Rolling Circus” (her loving term for her family), she's developed unique insights into why women often feel like outsiders in corporate structures.

The most revealing moment comes when Wendy explains her “circle exercise”—a simple activity where people draw two circles representing work and life. The dramatic difference between how men and women typically approach this task illuminates why workplace miscommunications happen so frequently. Men generally draw separate circles, while women (especially mothers) draw work as existing within life—a fundamental difference in worldview that explains countless workplace tensions.

We explore how boys naturally form hierarchies from childhood while girls create communal structures without winners and losers. When these different frameworks collide in corporate environments designed around hierarchical “ladders,” women often feel they're playing a game where they don't fully understand the rules. This insight alone transformed my understanding of workplace dynamics.

Wendy also challenges us to embrace risk-taking and creativity, sharing how her own unexpected career shift following a corporate layoff opened doors she never imagined. Her perspective on failure as merely a redirection rather than an endpoint offers a refreshing antidote to the fear that holds back so many high-achieving women.

Whether you're navigating a male-dominated industry, seeking more flexibility in your career, or simply trying to understand why workplace dynamics sometimes feel so challenging, this conversation offers practical wisdom for defining success on your own terms. Try the circle exercise yourself—you might be surprised what it reveals about your approach to work and life.